Into the hotel lobby sweeps Andrea
Mallis, with a purple velvet dress and a flowing mane of hair that is as
out of place among the baseball executives and player agents as a World
Series banner above Fenway Park.
She has come to baseball's annual
bazaar offering her credentials as a sports astrologer, uniquely qualified
to discern what's in the stars for the stars, the only one among those
assembled more likely to ask "What's your sign?" than "Where do I
sign?"
New York Mets general manager Omar Minaya listens politely to Mallis' pitch without offering her a retainer. At $125 an hour (two-hour minimum), she is a bargain when weighed against the cost of one bad signing.
"Literally, I could save teams millions of dollars," she
says. "Baseball and astrology run in cycles. And timing is
everything."
Already they are off to a bad start.
"I would
never schedule a winter meeting on a dark-moon Mercury retrograde," she
said in mid-December at baseball's winter meetings in Anaheim. "Whoever
does the scheduling obviously doesn't consult with an
astrologer."
Well, that goes without saying.
In deals
conceived during this particular Mercury retrograde, Arizona gave Russ
Ortiz $33 million over four years, even though he faces, as Mallis could
have told the Diamondbacks, "difficult Saturn aspects."
Jon Lieber
got $21 million from the Phillies for three years despite a low-energy
cycle looming over two of them. And don't get her started about what
Neptune has in store for new Red Sox pitcher Matt Clement.
Grabbing
a seat in the media work room, Mallis lowers her books onto a table where
reporters hunch over laptops cranking out news of the latest
multimillion-dollar deal.
"I can smell the testosterone in here,"
she says.
And I notice the patchouli oil that wafts in Mallis'
wake.
"How are you?" she says, extending a hand.
"You tell
me," I respond, and soon enough Mallis had the date, time and location of
my birth for a personal chart. A Sagittarius, I am optimistic and
happy-go-lucky "with a revolutionary spirit."
"You can be a bit of
a workaholic," she says, running her fingers through a dog-eared book of
charts.
It's like she's known me all my life.
Mallis grew up
in New York and moved to California in 1983. Six years later, she set up
shop in Berkeley as a certified astrologer.
"I hate to be a walking
cliche, but I'm afraid I might be," she concedes.
A baseball fan
since the Mets went to the 1973 World Series, she didn't turn to sports
astrology until 2001 after going to an Oakland Athletics game and seeing a
program feature about Barry Zito's interest in yoga and
meditation.
"I was out of baseball for a while," she explains. "I
kind of went in cycles."
Now she is back, offering her planetary
prognostications on ESPN and the A's radio postgame show and for the game
programs of half the teams in the major leagues.
Like any baseball
analyst, some of Mallis' insights are more of a hit than
others.
She warns that Nomar Garciaparra--a Leo full of pride--is
injury-prone, but no one in Boston needs to be reminded of that. Randy
Johnson has a "terrible transit of his Saturn to his Mars" and thus a
"high risk of injury to bones, knees, teeth and joints, back." He's 41 but
showing no need for Fosamax.
She expected big things for Jeremy
Giambi--that's Jeremy, not Jason--in 2003, a year he spent in disrepair
and disuse before missing the '04 season and getting caught up in a
steroid scandal. She misspelled "Carleton" Fisk on her Web
site.
But Mallis has had her successes as well.
She
predicted that the Super Bowl halftime show would "be rather ethereal,
filled with the exotic, bizarre and glamorous" and added--a week before
Janet Jackson's oft-viewed wardrobe malfunction--that "confusion can
reign; lots of replays may be needed when strange alignments occur." She
guessed that the outcome would be in doubt, and the New England Patriots
won on a late field goal by Adam Vinatieri.
Mallis also predicted a
bad cycle for Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, writing last January he
would learn that "money can't buy love or world championships." That came
true when New York's nemeses, the Boston Red Sox, won eight straight games
to knock the Yankees out of the playoffs and win their first World Series
in 86 years.
Mallis doesn't expect a team to ditch its radar guns
for retrogrades but only to use her advice in combination with traditional
baseball scouting techniques.
"I'm saying this is a supplement for
everything they're already doing," she says.
They're not so
different, the stat crunchers and star watchers. Red Sox general manager
Theo Epstein used similar logic when, to the scorn of baseball purists, he
supplemented the team's scouting with statistical analysis.
But
what if he had known, as Mallis could have told him, that there would be a
lunar eclipse the night of World Series Game 4, with a portentous red glow
emanating from the moon as the Red Sox beat St. Louis' Redbirds in the
clincher?
"It signified a very important, auspicious occasion," she
says.
Ever tight-lipped, Epstein could not be lured into a comment
on whether Mallis might have something to offer the team, saying
only:
"I hope this is a good winter for Capricorns."